i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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