thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
