how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
