oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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