So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
