Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
