She went from zero to smokin in five shots
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
home. puking in laundry basket.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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