Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.