I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.