Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
it was like eating out sand paper
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
