This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
