Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
