Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I use my feet as sexual weapons
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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