He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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