so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
