This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
