I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
