You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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