Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Can you bring me the toilet please
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
