i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
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First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
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You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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