I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
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Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
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You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
They have beer where we have blood.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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