sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
