But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
