I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
