It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
