he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
