D3 body, D1 cock
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
