Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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