On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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