after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
