How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
and she was petting her beer can
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
