nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize