do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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