My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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