he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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