Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
