You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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