her vagine was all disorganized.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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