just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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