Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
