I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
