oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize