Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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