The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
