Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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