I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
