I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
