no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
