im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
