Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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