So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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