Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
