Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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