She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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