ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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