things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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