If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
