And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
