WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
