my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize