I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Say something about gay babies.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
