so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
