***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
