Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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