mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
