sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
