11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
