Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
