today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
