My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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