...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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