i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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