i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
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I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
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Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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